i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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