so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
