you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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