my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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