she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
