They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
