can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
