the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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