is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
