Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards