are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When are your genitals available?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
