She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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