If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
