She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
