C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
