He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
