my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
