A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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