sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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