Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
