Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
