And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need a sexual gate keeper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
me + whiskey = a bad person
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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