my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
