This is not my ceiling
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
