That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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