guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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