Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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