im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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