I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're too hungover to prance.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
