I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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