Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
