im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize