Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
