Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
