we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
