Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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