Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
