Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
