There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
