I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
