she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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