Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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