I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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