Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
