i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
