Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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