so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
