in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
