I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
