my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
