You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
