Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Text me some of your sweat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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