I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
