don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
