just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
