i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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