she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
