Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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