You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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