Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
