Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
