I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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