I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
