It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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