Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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