I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
