Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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