That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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