theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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