While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
