i think my tv is drunk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
