Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
