I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
