I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
