We're facebook friends in real life
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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