Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize