the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
