Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
