How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
