Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
