I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
