dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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