I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
